Things I want my daughters to know. . .

 

You do not need to fulfill the expectations of others. 

 

It’s a fact of life. Some people will expect you to follow their agenda in order to keep in their good graces. Teachers, friends, bosses, even family members (gasp!) may try to emotionally manipulate you to get what they want. You know you need to say no, but are hesitant because the other person will not be happy with you or will misunderstand you.

 

It’s tough. I know. It’s every woman’s struggle—knowing the right thing to do yet wanting to be liked. We don’t want others to think badly of us.  But by doing the right thing we risk being maligned. Every so often I’m still caught off-guard. I’m in a seemingly safe conversation and then—wham—the other person attempts to get me to commit to their agenda.  My defense system kicks in and I dodge their attempts at a hostile takeover. Even at age 54 it’s still hard. In fact, it’s a lifelong process.

 

The Facts:

 

• It’s not our job to keep others happy with us. It’s our job to live well the life God has given us. Jesus exemplified this perfectly. Many times the religious leaders and even His family were upset with Him. They tried to get Him to do life their way and He refused. They were not happy. He did not fret but moved on to the next thing God had for Him to do.
• The other person’s dismay with you speaks to their character not yours. Would an emotionally healthy person expect another person to fulfill their expectations of them? No, they would not.
• From time to time even your mom may be tempted to place her expectations on you. Forgive her, but don’t give in. She wants you to be the best you and she knows that happens only when you live your own life.

I’ve been thrilled to see you girls growing, maturing, and dealing in a healthy and gracious way with other people’s expectations. Keep it up. You’re not the weird one. You’re not being mean. You’re being healthy and giving others the opportunity to do the same.

Brenda Garrison is an author and speaker who empowers women with the confidence to live their calling. Brenda is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Science Degree in Ministry Leadership with a Concentration in Women’s Ministry at Moody Bible Institute. She and her husband, Gene, are the parents of three young adult daughters and live near Metamora, IL.