One thing I miss most about my girls being on their own is our daily interactions. I miss doing life with them. I found a way to keep the connection in a way that works for everyone.
This is so simple you might miss it so read slowly.
I text them pictures of a part of my day that I think they would like or laugh about if they were here. For Katie, it’s almost always a picture of her beloved cat, Beatrix. For Kerry, it might be a really cool find at Target, as shopping there together is our shared adventure. For Kelsey, it’s actual word texts as we both love to talk.
My only motive is to share part of my day with my girls. This is not a fishing-for-information expedition.
Also, I expect nothing in return. Yep, if they don’t get back to me it’s okay. If I need information or need to know how they are, that is communicated in a different text.
These fun texts serve three purposes. First, I share my day with the girls and feel they are a part of my day. Secondly, they receive a fun piece of home even if they don’t have time to respond.
Finally, these texts build trust with my girls. They trust I can have a relationship with them with no ulterior motives, trying to manipulate, or elicit a response. We are building healthy adult child/parent relationships.
That’s it. Text a fun pic to your kid today. Both of you will feel more connected to each other. Isn’t that what we want—to be a healthy part of our kid’s adventure called life?
I’d love to see the fun pics you email to your kid!
Brenda Garrison is an author and speaker who empowers women with the confidence to live their calling. Brenda is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Science Degree in Ministry Leadership with a Concentration in Women’s Ministry at Moody Bible Institute. She and her husband, Gene, are the parents of three young adult daughters and live near Metamora, IL.
We haven’t joined the texting crowd yet. Our adult daughter married 3 years ago and severed all relationships @ her home church (our church) in favor of a husband not of the faith. Over time she has become uncommunicative. We’ve tried calling @ she doesn’t answer nor call back. I received Facebook birthday recognition from her and a gift for Mother’s Day that she ordered and had sent to me. No recognition of her father’s birthday nor of Father’s Day. We don’t feel there’s anger; simply disinterest. It’s become difficult but we’re waiting. Contact from us has become more difficult because of the feelings of rejection when there is no reciprocation. Not sure how to proceed.
Dear Terrie,
First I must apologize! I’m not sure why I didn’t see your comments when you posted them. I am so sorry. I understand your pain. It is so hard when it seems the kids do not care. I don’t understand what she is thinking and it sounds as if you are bewildered as well. I would continue to send your love via cards and notes. I often advise parents to apologize for the hurt they may have caused. I’m not saying you are at fault. However, we don’t know how our kids perceive our words and actions, especially when they were young. Let her know how much you love her and want a relationship. Maybe even ask what kind of relationship she would be open for and that you have no expectations and no strings attached. I know this is terribly hard and painful. Continue to ask God how to proceed and to heal your heart and hers.
Again, I am so sorry for the oversight.
Warmly,
Brenda