Tonight at supper I had an epiphany. You might think I’ve said this before and maybe I have. But tonight it came to me in a fresh way that helped me process more clearly.

The thought came to me of things I am done with. I thought, “Here I am fifty-eight years old. It’s time I stop putting energy into some things I have in years past and really focus on what matters to me for the last half or third or whatever I have left of my life.”

For example, I will continue to tweak the décor of our house, but I am done with buying this, that, or the other for the house.

I am done analyzing my healthy habits. I have found what works for me to be in good health and reasonably good shape. I will work my plan and rest in it.

I am done measuring my writing success by industry standards or what other authors are doing. I will continue to write what God gives me to write and try to place book proposals as I feel He directs, but I will not feel less than with whatever results come. I have done my best.

On the flip side, I have things I need to focus on.

Of course, I want to grow into a more relational relationship with Jesus. In John 15 He calls it abiding. For me that looks like talking to Him throughout the day and acknowledging His presence always with me.

I want to grow my relationship with Gene. We don’t have a big, hairy, five-year plan. But whatever God brings our way we want to be on board together going for it. (Will most likely involve construction and travel for kids and hopefully a few more Grands!)

I want to be available for all the kids, to more actively cheer them on. I want to be a better listener with less answers. As Maria Goff said in Love Lives Here, “Say less obvious things and more encouraging ones.”*

I want to see my friends more.

I want to invest in younger women who want to know God and live for Him.

I want to spend more time in my joy with God and less time worrying about all the things I can’t change.

I’m struggling here to give you a concrete thing you can hold me accountable to do in a certain time frame, but I can’t think of one. I don’t know exactly what any of this will look like or when it will happen. But I think that since I said it, put it all on paper (so to speak) for you and me to see, I think that will help me recognize it when God brings it to my path. I will remember I said this is what I wanted my life to be about. I will need to be brave and do it.

Can’t wait!

Brenda Garrison is an author and speaker who empowers women with the confidence to live their calling. Brenda is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Science Degree in Ministry Leadership with a Concentration in Women’s Ministry at Moody Bible Institute. She and her husband, Gene, are the parents of three young adult daughters and live near Metamora, IL.