Tonight at supper I had an epiphany. You might think I’ve said this before and maybe I have. But tonight it came to me in a fresh way that helped me process more clearly.
The thought came to me of things I am done with. I thought, “Here I am fifty-eight years old. It’s time I stop putting energy into some things I have in years past and really focus on what matters to me for the last half or third or whatever I have left of my life.”
For example, I will continue to tweak the décor of our house, but I am done with buying this, that, or the other for the house.
I am done analyzing my healthy habits. I have found what works for me to be in good health and reasonably good shape. I will work my plan and rest in it.
I am done measuring my writing success by industry standards or what other authors are doing. I will continue to write what God gives me to write and try to place book proposals as I feel He directs, but I will not feel less than with whatever results come. I have done my best.
On the flip side, I have things I need to focus on.
Of course, I want to grow into a more relational relationship with Jesus. In John 15 He calls it abiding. For me that looks like talking to Him throughout the day and acknowledging His presence always with me.
I want to grow my relationship with Gene. We don’t have a big, hairy, five-year plan. But whatever God brings our way we want to be on board together going for it. (Will most likely involve construction and travel for kids and hopefully a few more Grands!)
I want to be available for all the kids, to more actively cheer them on. I want to be a better listener with less answers. As Maria Goff said in Love Lives Here, “Say less obvious things and more encouraging ones.”*
I want to see my friends more.
I want to invest in younger women who want to know God and live for Him.
I want to spend more time in my joy with God and less time worrying about all the things I can’t change.
I’m struggling here to give you a concrete thing you can hold me accountable to do in a certain time frame, but I can’t think of one. I don’t know exactly what any of this will look like or when it will happen. But I think that since I said it, put it all on paper (so to speak) for you and me to see, I think that will help me recognize it when God brings it to my path. I will remember I said this is what I wanted my life to be about. I will need to be brave and do it.
Brenda Garrison is an author and speaker who empowers women with the confidence to live their calling. Brenda is currently pursuing a Bachelor of Science Degree in Ministry Leadership with a Concentration in Women’s Ministry at Moody Bible Institute. She and her husband, Gene, are the parents of three young adult daughters and live near Metamora, IL.